I spent most of June not writing the accountability post for May and avoiding some other stuff as well. I also spent all of June in a haze of horny. Maybe it was the delayed spring thing. It rained most of May and was blissfully chill, but when the warm and then hot weather hit, everyone woke up. I just seem to have stayed awake, as it were, for the entire month. (Possibly two).
I know I worked because I remember going to work, and I have a whole pile of tasks and assignments done, some of the deadlines were even met! I also might, completely coincidentally, have written a metric ton of erotic fiction, as well as a shitload of non-fiction stuff I have no idea what to do with.
I do not remember working, at all. Or doing anything much, other than riding the summer high of warmth, music, dancing, flirting, and crushing on people (husband of 20 years included, amazingly enough). It has been a while since I felt this alive, and this much me. Cannot say I hate it. (Also, am wondering how the hell to hold on to it.)
My weirdo brain has been writing all kinds of stuff. I did not sleep much, in a rush to write it all down, get it all out, out on paper before it slips my mind. Man, did I ever need that thing Leto II had in God Emperor of Dune: you think it, the machine writes it down.
In the middle of the month, a friend got married and it was the best wedding I ever went to. Better than my own! The atmosphere was electric, the space was safe and the music loud enough you could feel the beat in the base of your spine. I found I could really let go and dance like I have not outside my home (or an SF con) in a very loooong time. Most importantly, everyone was there because they really, really wanted to be and you could feel the happy all around you. If I could party like that – no overly drunk people, no grabbing, plenty of space and excellent food in between sets – I would totally go out dancing every Friday!
The end of June brings not only the beginning of summer in Croatia but also two public holidays, which means most Croatians are off work, making the most of two weeks worth of vacation without having to actually use two weeks worth of vacation days. This year, it also brought me a visit from a high school friend who went on to become a badass poet in New York.
When Ana comes, the world implodes and surrealist, artsy fun begins. I thought I would enjoy being at the office with barely a handful of colleagues and get a lot done. I also thought I would get so much cleared away at home while husband and child were at sea-side.
In the end, I really enjoyed the daydreams, the crushes, the constant stream of music, the late nights, the weird conversations, all the trips down memory lane, old friendships, quirky group daydreaming, inappropriate jokes, oversharing, and so.much.fun.
I had forgotten how alive it feels with friends that know who you were and love you for who you really are, without needing you to revert to the non-grown up version of yourself. But who also enjoy it with you if & when you do.